Mystery gift

Have you ever received a mystery gift? A birthday present that you couldn't quite figure out the purpose of? Perhaps it came with no instructions and you weren't quite sure how to put it together. Or perhaps you're not really sure what the gift giver intended in giving you this present. Well, recently, I received one such mystery gift from my family. The box was labeled as "Hang and Store Expandable Laundry Rack," and supposedly you can hang laundry on it and then fold it up again when you're done. But, I don't think this name adequately describes it, so I call it the Alien Bacteriophage. 

Laundry Rack Mystery Gift:

A Bacteriophage:

I am not sure that I can actually use this product because every time I look at it, I am having visions of it infecting my cells while I sleep. I think perhaps it could star in a great B-movie horror film. "LAUNDRY RACK COMES TO LIFE AND INFECTS PLANET!!!" Second only to the film, "Thankskilling", which is comedic gold. I highly recommend checking it out on Instant Queue Netflix if you have any affinity for B-movie horror. It makes Evil Dead II look like an Oscar winner. But I digress.

Now, once I get past my dramatic musings, I am trying to think of some other uses for this product. Something so strange looking should not be limited to a mundane usage such as laundry. By the way, laundry is the most vile chore of them all. Not only does it involve using up coping amounts of water and electricity and pouring soapy chemicals down the drain, but it wastes more of my time with sorting, hanging, folding, sorting again, pressing, hanging again, and storing again. What I really need is a gadget that will take my clothes, and automatically press, hanger, and rack them. The deluxe version would sort by color as that is the superior method of clothes sorting (the sleeve-length method is inferior as it does nothing to help you match your clothes in the morning). Dear inventors of the world, please invent this instead of wasting your time on scary-looking laundry racks. 

Dear readers, do you have any ideas for me as to how I can best use my Mystery Gift? 

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